February 8, 2016

15 Crazy Prom Getups

It’s spring again. School is winding down and prom is right around the corner. And more than ever kids are getting really, um, “creative” with their attire. Sometimes they come up with something cute, like a dress made of gum wrappers (#6). Sometimes they come up with something hilarious, like outfits made out of early 90s track suits (#12). And, of course, sometimes they come up with something that is just plain skanky (too many to list). So, with no further ado, here’s a peek at what this world is coming to: 15 Crazy Prom Getups. Enjoy, and/or be horrified.

15. Jersey Shore Prom

Superskanky “dress”? Check. White fur stole? Check. Lacey garter worn on upper thigh below hem of skirt? Check. Date in pink silk shirt? Check. They obviously consulted the chapter entitled How to Do Prom Good Like a Real Guidette in Snookie’s handbook of style.

14. Britney Spears Circa 2000

What’s amazing about this prom dress is that, if not for the super-low waistline that looks like it may malfunction at any given moment, it wouldn’t be so horrible. Actually, no, wait a minute. What’s amazing about this dress is that the dangerously low waistline makes the bikini top seem modest by comparison. Daddy must be so proud of his little angel.

13. The Triple Threat

This guy secured two dates to prom? Not bad. Greedy, but you have to respect his game. Hopefully his chances of scoring twice as much as every other dude there will help him forget how dippy he looks.

12. Neon Getup

This one truly is a rarity amongst crazy prom photos—here, the young man looks more ridiculous than the young woman. Usually, the male’s attire is coordinated to look almost but not quite as ludicrous as the female’s attire (see #13). But, hey, at least they look like they’re having fun, so more power to them.

11. Skanky Asian Pajama Prom

There is only one explanation for this one. Inspired by John Hughes’ 1986 movie Pretty In Pink starring Molly Ringwald, Andrew McCarthy, Jon Cryer and James Spader, these two decided to make their own prom outfits out of other clothes. So they went to China town, bought some black and red silk pajamas, cut them all up, put them on, and went to prom.

10. The Trailblazers

Sometime you just gotta support the team, and these Rasheed Wallace/Portland Trailblazers fans went all out. I think the most impressively clever element of this coordinated ensemble is the girl’s dress. It is clearly just a large jersey with the back removed and then reattached lower, to cover more of the buttal region.

9. Lady Parts Gown

“But moooo-om,” Kaytlynnn pleaded, “I want the dress with the giant pink vulva on the froooont!” (Obviously, it wasn’t long before lightinthebox.com realized what was going on in this photo. They’ve replaced it with a less humorously erotic one. You can see it here)

8. The Boob Wrangler

Here’s another sweetheart that must have made her daddy soooo proud. Not only are her boobs falling out of her dress, and not only it there a slit that runs all the way up her to her pelvis, but she and her date are taking a classy photo with his hand clutching her meaty thigh. Nice one, guys.

7. Camouflage Couple

No telling where this couple is actually from, but if I had to guess I’d sa—Whoa wait a minute! Where’d they g—oh, there they are. Lost ‘em for a second.

6. Gum Wrapper Dress

I bet she just did it for a good college admissions essay. Still, it’s nice to see a young woman putting such effort into a dress that won’t make her look like a prostitute on prom night, so kudos.

5. Duct Tape Southern Bell with Overmatched Animal Print Date

These are the 2008 winners of the Duck brand duct tape “Stuck at Prom” Scholarship Contest winners. Each one received a $3,000 college scholarship for making fabulous prom attire entirely out of duct tape. The outfits really are amazing—almost enough to distract from the fact that the girl is much hotter than her visibly nervous date.


4. Duct Tape Queen of Hearts Dress

Here’s another entry from the Duck Tape “Stuck at Prom” contest. This time it’s the runners up from 2009. Pretty incredible dress and suit, I must say. However, I must register one objection: I find it kind of creepy that brother and sister went to prom together. Not cool.

3. Marche Taylor

When Marche Taylor went to her high school prom dressed like a lady of the night, school officials wouldn’t let her in. This decision was based on common sense, as well as a dress code thoroughly outlined on a contract students had to sign when purchasing their tickets. When she refused to go home and change clothes, she became argumentative and disruptive, so chaperones called the police. They didn’t actually arrest her, though, but put her in the back of a cruiser for a while until she chilled out.

2. The Prego Hole

I’m against ostracizing people for their mistakes. No one’s perfect, and we need to support each other through difficult times. Nevertheless, I have to admit that just a little pinch of shame never hurt anybody. Sometimes it keeps us from doing things we really shouldn’t. For example, if this girl had just the tiniest sense of shame, not only might she have been more careful when getting it on, but she might also have avoided making the unfortunate decision to cut a hole out of her prom dress to display her pregnant belly.

1. Prom Pasties

My only question is, where do you take it from here? Just go completely topless? Or maybe entirely nude, but with jewelry, shoes, and a nice purse?