February 8, 2016

14 Insanely Ridiculous Town Names

There are lots of towns all over the world with strange or unusual names—places like Normal, Illinois; Saskatoon, Saskatchewan; or Dusseldorf, Germany. But who cares about those? When it comes to town names, those totally suck. You know what’s cool? Towns with such incredibly ridiculous names that you think there’s no way on earth they could possibly be real, and yet they are. Want to know what I’m talking about? Check out this list of 14 Insane Town Names. If you don’t believe they’re real, look them up yourself, smart guy.

14. No Name, Colorado

150 miles west of Denver along I-70 lies a tiny little town that people were too lazy to bother naming. Therefore, it is simply called No Name, Colorado. Population: a whopping 123.

13. Boring, Oregon

This is one of those unfortunate towns named after some old dude (W. H. Boring…really), long before the old dude’s name came to mean something else in the English language. Or at least, we’re going to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that “boring” didn’t mean then what it does today. Otherwise that’s just stupid.

12. Bald Knob, Arkansas

Coming in at #12 is Bald Knob, Arkansas. With a population of 3,210, this metorpolis dwarfs the previous two poorly-named municipalities. I wonder what residents of this town call themselves—Bald Knobbers? Bald Knobbians? Bald Knobbites? Whatever it is, I bet it sounds dirty.

11.Wetwang, United Kingdom

This 672 person hamlet has been around much longer than the slang term for male genitalia that is now its namesake. So you gotta feel bad for their chamber of commerce. As with #12, here you also have to wonder what a resident of Wetwang is called. The most obvious possibility is “Wetwangers,” but that sounds like a group of people with a very particular sexual fetish.

10. Hell, Michigan

Hell, Michigan, which is about 15 miles from Ann Arbor, has been around for a long time. There are two predominant theories as to the origin of it’s unique name, and both are stupid. One theory holds that some German travelers were overheard saying “so schön hell” (“so beautifully bright”), so some stupid locals started calling it Hell. The other theory posits that, when the founder was asked what to call the town, he said “I don’t care. You can name it Hell for all I care.” So they did. Like I said, stupid theories.

9. Intercourse, Pennsylvania

This town, in the heart of Amish country, was founded aaaaaaall the way back in 1754. (Shut up, Europeans. That’s old for us.) Like #10, Intercourse also has multiple theories about the origin of its name. One says it was called “Intercourse” because two major highways intersected in the middle of town. Another says they called it “Intercourse” because of the strong sense of fellowship and social interaction among residents. Either way, today it means Doing It, Pennsylvania.

8. Upper Dicker, United Kingdom

If driving around the English countryside, be careful to never ever ask for directions to Dicker. The locals will be very confused. They won’t know if you mean Upper Dicker or Lower Dicker.

7. French Lick, Indiana

Contrary to the nasty conclusions to which your dirty mind has jumped, this town of 2,000 is not named after some sexy French boudoir maneuvre. The town is actually located on the site of an old French fur-trading post. The location of the trading post was described as being near a large salty mineral deposit. Animals lick these naturally occurring salt deposits when they become exposed; thus, they are called “salt licks.” The site in question was therefore known as the French Lick. Makes total sense, now, doesn’t it?

6. Anus, France

If anyone in this little medieval town had a sense of humor or entrepreneurial spirit, they’d be selling “I Heart Anus (France)” t-shirts by the side of the road.

5. Fucking, Austria

In 1070 this town was called Vucchigen. It was called Fukching in 1303, Fugkhing by 1532 and, finally, Fucking by the 1900s. So you see, it took a long, long time for the German language to evolve to the point where “Fucking, Austria” became totally hilarious. Today, the sign at the entrance of town is the most sought-after object d’art for Americans backpacking through Europe (because it looks sweet on dorm walls). Also, ditto what I said re: #6.

4. Little Dix, Anguilla, Lesser Antilles (Caribbean)

The best part about the village of Little Dix on the Caribbean island of Anguilla is that the island is part of the British Commonwealth. In other words, speaking English, they know damn well what they’re insinuating. Most people would be bothered by this, but I envision the locals as being like the islanders in those Malibu rum commercials, too busy chillin’ to get riled up about anything.

3.Tittybong, Australia

If you were going to come up with a silly, juvenile name for a town, wouldn’t this be it? I mean seriously, it’s like this place was founded by Beavis and Butthead. Not that there are a whole lot of people who call this place home. It’s located in the middle-of-nowhere, Australia. The larger administrative unit to which the town belongs only has 11,000 people, which is less than a person per square mile.

2. Weiner, Arkansas

This town has only 760 residents. Still, it has its very own High School. It’s called Weiner High, home of the Weiner Cardinals, and obviously is populated entirely by local Weiners. When Weiner High students go to prom, they buy bouquets for their dates at Weiner Flower Shop. If students spike the punch and things get a little dicey, the Weiner Principal will call the Weiner Police to come and take rowdy students to the Weiner Jail.

1. Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada

Not only does this town have the #1 most unfortunate/awesome name in the entire history of the world, but it is surrounded by other incredibly unfortunate/awesome place names. For example, due south of Dildo, Newfoundland, there is South Dildo. Then, just across the bay from Dildo, you’ll find the town of Spread Eagle. Finally, and best of all, just south of South Dildo is Dildo Pond, which bears a striking resemblance to—what else!—a freaking dildo. So, yeah, no other crazy town name even come close to Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada.