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September 18, 2014

13 Insanely Weird Bikinis


Tuesday was officially the first day of summer. And if you’re like me, this is one of your favorite days of the year. Of course, you can say you’re glad summer is finally here because you love barbecues, or because you can’t wait to hit the pool, or beach, or what have you. But let’s get real. The actual reason everyone is glad summer is finally here is because that means it’s bikini season.

Now, some websites like to kick off summer by doing articles about the hot trends in beachwear, and maybe give you some tips on buying sunscreen and all that. Not oddballdaily.com. Here, we’re kicking off summer with a list of the 13 most bizarre bikinis on the planet. So, hurry up, go grab a Popsicle from the ice cream man driving down your street, then settle in for some crazy bikini awesomeness.

13. Pac-Man-Kini

When I saw this unusual bikini, I first noticed the photo on the left and I thought, “oh, that’s cute.” Then I notice the photo on the right and thought, “oooh, and a little bit naughty too.” So I ask you, the internet, isn’t that all you could ask for from a bikini—little bit cute, little bit naught?

12. The 3-Legged Bikini

Maybe you didn’t see it right away. I didn’t. But what’s bizarre about these—aside from the fact that these two gals are wearing the same suit, which I think is unusual—are the goofy bottom pieces. Really, what the hell is up with that? It looks like they’re designed for aliens with a third leg or something.

11. Grass Bikini

I’m not quite sure if that is grass, or moss, or what. Yeah, it’s cool that the bathing suite is biodegradable, but this is just not a flattering look.

10. Bikini of the Future

This is what I imagine bikinis would look like on Star Trek. Only, since it’s the future, and they have technology far beyond that available today, they wouldn’t need the clear plastic straps to hold the wacky thing in place. It would be held in place by a gravitational field of some sort, perhaps generated by nanobots woven into the fabric. Any Star Trek experts out there that could weigh in on the matter?

9. Bikini Jeans

As you might have guessed, this bizarro product comes to us from Japan. Are they jeans that look like bikini bottoms? Or are they bikini bottoms that look like jeans? Debate amongst yourselves.

8. Duct Tape Bikini

Um…ouch. Hey, wait a second. This young woman looks familiar. Yeah, I thought I recognized her. Only, this is a different photo, in a completely different duct tape bikini. I guess they must be more comfortable than they look.

7. Sticker Bikini

Although I commend this young woman for her creativity, and admit that there probably are some upsides to a sticky star bikini, I can think of at least three big problems with this look. One, that’s going to leave one hell of a weird tan. Two, won’t they just peel off if she actually goes in the water? And three, doesn’t it just look kinda dumb? But what do I know.

6. Point

Hey, look! Playboy models in bikinis made of lettuce. You know, maybe I should be a vegetarian. I’ve thought about it. Maybe this is a sign that I should give it a try.

5. Counterpoint

Yeah, scratch what I just said about giving vegetarianism a try. Meat is where it’s at, both in the kitchen and on the beach. (On a side note, it just so happens that these lovely ladies were wearing baconkinis for what they thought was a charity “Bacon Bikini Contest.” Thing is, the bar owner who held the contest—Steve Lightfoot of Roseville, Ca—was a crook, and he just kept the dough for himself. Nice, huh? At least the ladies made their men happy—the smell of bacon is the ultimate aphrodisiac.)

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4. Solar-Kini

Brooklyn designer Andrew Schneider came up with this bizarre albeit very useful bikini. He sews the photo-voltaic panels (i.e. solar panels) together himself by hand. Once complete, the bikini can charge your iPod or camera. Perfect for a long day at the beach, right? Only thing is, they’re pretty costly. Like, $200 costly.

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3. Grope-Kini

I’m sure this woman was going for “lighthearted” or “funny,” but really this godawful bikini is just downright “creepy” and “a boner-killer.” Also—and maybe it’s just me, but— these two look more like your accountant and your kid’s teacher than a couple wild party animals.

2. Fishbowl-Kini

This bizarre bikini serves two purposes. First, it makes your jugs look huge (sort of). Second, you can carry your pet fish around with you. I’d say that’s a win-win.

1. Pig Head Bikini

Did I mention this list might give you nightmares? Sorry about that. Of course, if we humans were perfectly rational creatures, this bikini would be no more disturbing than the bacon bikini—or perhaps I should say, the bacon bikini would be just as disturbing as this one. But I’m just not that rational, so I find this pig head bikini to be far more terrifying.