In densely populated urban areas, the subway is a great way to get around. It may not be the coolest mode of transportation, but itâ€™s fast, itâ€™s accessible and, most importantly, itâ€™s cheap. Also, it’s better than riding a bike.
Unfortunately, whatâ€™s convenient and affordable for young urban professionals going to work on a Tuesday, or hipsters going to some out of the way dive bar for ironic karaoke on a Friday, is also convenient for crazy peopleâ€¦well, pretty much any day.
The important thing, if youâ€™re one of the non-crazy subway riders, is to keep the right attitude about everything. Sure, that whack-job sitting across from you clipping his toenails is completely disgusting; but at least youâ€™ve got a great status update for your friends. And meâ€”Iâ€™ve got a great topic for an Oddball Daily list: 15 Cracked Out Subway Riders.
15. Stretching Like a Boss
I sympathize with the desire to put your feet up. And Iâ€™d even say, hey, if no one else is around you on the subwayâ€”go for it. But this, I think, is a little extreme. So hereâ€™s a rule of thumb: when putting your feet up on the subway, your foot/feet should not go above your pelvis. Cause itâ€™s kind of gross.
â€œNah, people do it all the time.â€
Yes, sometimes you just gotta have a bite to eat. But when you do, try to make sure itâ€™s something that isnâ€™t too messy and doesnâ€™t have too strong an odor.
Also, donâ€™t fall asleep in the middle of your meal and spill it all over the damn place.
12. Death Shroud Guy
This guy looks pretty rad in his black death shroud, leather pants, and cowboy boots. You may think itâ€™s a little much, but just watch: in five years, weâ€™ll all be wearing this kind of thing. This fellow is just fashion-forward.
At least heâ€™s able to take his shoes off and give the dogs a breather.
(Note to reptile experts: I realize this may or may not be a boa constrictor. It was just a shot in the dark.)
9. Deep, Deep Sleep
Everybody nods off on the subway or bus from time to time, especially on longer rides. The starting and stopping along with the mild to medium vibrations of the bus or train can gently lull you to sleep on your way to or from work. That being said, for Christâ€™s sake, drink a cup of coffee if youâ€™re prone to falling so soundly asleep that your head tilts back and you mouth falls open like a feeding bird.
On a side note, this has gotta be New York. You can tell by the way no one next to this dude even pays any attention to his attire.
And is that a camouflage pattern?
5. Guy Carrying Giant Portrait of Jocelyn Wildenstein
You probably recognize the woman depicted in the painting this man is carrying. Itâ€™s Jocelyn Wildenstein, the New York socialite who became famous for the excessive plastic surgery that has turned her into â€œthe lion-woman of New York.â€
As for this subway scene, I think the only thing weirder would be actually seeing Jocelyn Wildenstein herself.
4. Hot Babe Taking a Snooze
You see what I did there in titling this entry? I called this woman a hot babe, when in fact sheâ€™s quite possibly the least attractive person any of us will see all year. Thatâ€™s called sarcasm, folks. We writers use it because itâ€™s funnier than just saying what you mean.
3. Warm Head, Cold Belly
What do you do when your head gets cold but you donâ€™t have a hat or scarf? Just pull your polo shirt up over your head. Yes, your midsection might get cold, but you look so crazy that no one is going to come within 10 feet of you. So it really helps maintain the integrity of your personal space.
Do you know how hard it is to ruin cleavage?