According to George Michael, â€œsex is natural / sex is good / not everybody does it / but everybody should.â€ Of course, he obviously didnâ€™t have the advantage of reading Oddball Dailyâ€™s list of bizarre sexual disorders before he penned his classic tune, â€œI Want Your Sex.â€ Also, that bit of wisdom came from a guy who got arrested in Beverly Hills after propositioning an undercover cop in a park bathroom. So what does he know about â€œnormalâ€ sexual behavior?
Anyway, hereâ€™s the point. While we can all agree that sex probably should be natural, good, fun, et cetera…it aint always. Today we bring you more proof of this fact in the form of a list of 12 creepy sex fetishes.
If you took Latin in high school, or youâ€™re a botanist, then youâ€™ve probably already put two and two together here. If you are a regular person, then let me just come out and tell you: dendrophilia is the condition of being sexually aroused by trees. (This should not be confused with dendrophobia, which is the irrational fear of trees.)
Now, before going too much further, letâ€™s just get something straight. Sexual fetishism is generally defined as a sexual arousal from a physical object or a specific situation. So in the case of dendrophilia, it could be that just being in the presence of a bunch of sexy trees makes you want to do it with somebody. It could also be the case that you want to pleasure yourself with/on/next to the tree.
The point is, regardless of the eventual object of your desire, itâ€™s initiated by a tree. And Iâ€™m sorry if you are a dendrophiliac, but thatâ€™s just strange.
Forniphilia is a subspecies of bondage, really. Itâ€™s when you are sexually aroused by using someone else as furniture, or by being used as furniture yourself. One would assume that each individual human furniture fetish is differentâ€”e.g.., some people find chairs human chairs sexier than human tables, and vice versaâ€”but I donâ€™t have firsthand knowledge. I would imagine, though, that this is probably the most useful creepy sex fetish on this list, insofar as you at least have a place to set your beer.
People with this fetish get turned on by cars and other machines (that arenâ€™t specifically designed to turn them on). Sometimes they want to use the machines themselves to get off; other times the machines just put them in the mood.
On a somewhat related note, did you hear about that Saudi religious leader who recently claimed that allowing women to drive will mean the end of virginity? Well, my theory is that heâ€™s under the impression all Saudi women have this machine fetish. Because if they do, then yeah, letting them drive might be the end of virginity.
You could call this one a â€œsoiling fetish,â€ but itâ€™s pretty wide-ranging. If youâ€™re a salirophiliac, it could be that youâ€™re turned on by something as simple as tussling someoneâ€™s hair. Which is weird, but not creepy. On the other hand, it could also mean that you get turned on by rubbing mud all over them…or, you know, something much worse. But the basic idea is that you get sexually aroused by messing up someoneâ€™s appearance. Moreover, it seems to have more to do with the act of messing up than the means with which the messing is done.
This fetish may be somewhat related to the previous one. Mysophiliacs find dirt, grime, soiled clothes, and dirty place sexually arousing. If this leads to soiling others, then mysophilia overlaps with salirophilia. Most likely, all mysophilia means is that a dirty alley or filthy house makes you want to do it.
Do you get excited at the sight or thought of peeing? Then youâ€™re probably a urophiliac. This fetish is also fairly wide-ranging. It may just be that seeing people pee or peeing yourself (maybe in an exciting place) turns you on. However, the fetish can also veer to the extreme, with some people getting turned on by, yes, peeing on sexual partners. (Nothing says â€œI love youâ€ like taking a leak on someoneâ€™s head.)
If you get aroused when bugs crawl all over you, Iâ€™ve got good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a name for this. Itâ€™s called formicophilia. The bad news is that having a scientific name doesnâ€™t make this sex fetish any less creepy. Especially since this fetish sometimes involves placing insects all over your junk.
All the fetishes on this list are creepy and/or gross, but I think this is the only one that flat out makes you a bad person. Why? Because symphorophilia is when someone is sexually aroused by watching or staging some kind of disasterâ€”like a fire or traffic accident. You get hot when bugs crawl all over your penis? Thatâ€™s nasty, but hey, youâ€™re not hurting anybody (except yourself, which youâ€™re entitled to do). But deriving sexual pleasure from a car accident? Probably time to call a good shrink.
Acrotomophilia may not always be a â€œfetish,â€ technically speaking. In the broadest sense, itâ€™s when someone has a keen sexual interest in amputees. For this â€œinterestâ€ to be a full-on fetish, the idea of an amputated limp would have to be extremely arousing all on itâ€™s own, in the absence of the rest of the body.
Interestingly, studies of acrotomophiliacs have shown that there are common preferences. For example, most prefer leg amputees to arm amputees (for easier access?); a single amputation (which is hot) to a double amputation (which is just sad I guess); and amputations that leave a stump (oh baby) to those that take of the entire limb.
Personally, I can almost accept the fact that people have amputee fetishes. Itâ€™s the fact that the fetishes are so specific that really creeps me out. (Do the stumps serve some specific mechanical purpose in the sack?)
For some people, this Renaissance painting would be considered erotica. That’s because emetophilia is a vomit fetish. Vomit! People with this fetish are turned on either by vomiting themselves or by watching others vomit. Acting on this fetish can be as harmless as inducing vomiting or merely watching others vomit; however, it can also entail vomiting on a sex partner, or having them vomit on you.
Would that be considered foreplay, or is that the main attraction? Also, if you have a vomit fetish, is saw dust considered an aphrodisiac?
If anyone with a vomit fetish wants to chime in and answer these questions, please hit up the comments section below. Seriously, I want to know.
2. Paraphilic infantilism
This role-playing fetish involves pretending to be an infant. So often it involves wearing diapers, drinking from bottles, and hanging out in specially built adult-sized child playpens. The partners in this sex fetish usually act as baby caregivers, which may mean changing diapers. (Doesnâ€™t that turn everybody on?) There is alao a sub-genre of this fetish. Some people simply just get aroused by wearing diapers, without all the silly â€œacting like a babyâ€ stuff. These folks will wear diapers, but act like â€œregularâ€ adults.
Anyway, thereâ€™s a whole community of people with this fetish. They call themselves adult baby/diaper lovers, and they call their fetish AB/DL for short. Fun.
People with this unsanitary fetish get some form of sexual pleasure from feces. Technically, like most of the fetishes on this list, this might just mean you get turned on by taking a dump or watching someone else do it. Or it could just mean you get turned on by poop porn. However, a feces fetish can also lead to pooping in the boudoir as part of a sexual encounter.
Not a whole lot is known about the prevalence of this fetish. For example, researchers arenâ€™t entirely sure whether the extreme version (pooping on your beloved) exists outside the boundaries of sadomasochism. But within S&M communities, itâ€™s believed that around 18% have given coprophilia a try.
Sorry. I think Iâ€™ve probably said too much.